


Starting Over

by cestlavieminako



Category: Ultraman Orb, Ultraman Z - Fandom
Genre: AU, Jug is dealing with depression and intrusive thoughts and self harm, M/M, because like everyone else I wonder why Jug is there, stuff has spiraled out of control and he's trying his best, stuff leading up to the beginning of Ultraman Z
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlavieminako/pseuds/cestlavieminako
Summary: Juggler need a break from Gai and plans to go to whatever solar system is furthest from him so he can have some peace. No Gai, no Ultras...it sounded like a wonderful idea.Unfortunately, the last planet they'd hooked up on operated with people's physiology a bit differently than most, and Juggler suddenly found himself with a brand new baby that he couldn't seem to give up, and his plans to relocate are suddenly for two.
Relationships: past Jugglus Juggler/Kurenai Gai
Comments: 100
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I'm really doing this AU, huh? It demanded I start it at around 2am, and I've been working on it all day. 
> 
> Like everyone else watching Z, I wonder how Juggler wound up working for Storage, or just on that planet in general. I'm sure this series isn't the correct answer, but it'll be a fun idea to explore, nonetheless.

It was infuriating, how Kurenai Gai continued to get under Juggler’s skin. How long had it even been, since their paths had so drastically changed? When Juggler delighted in getting in Gai’s way, causing him trouble? When they’d been a bit younger and incredibly foolish, thinking that two people that differed so much could actually make something like a relationship work. _Had_ it ever been anything remotely resembling a relationship, or more of a series of hookups, usually brought on by the adrenaline that coursed through their veins each time they clashed?

If anyone were to ask Juggler if he loved Gai, the answer would have been an immediate no, followed by the angriest scowl he could manage. But was that even true?

But even then, there were times when he brought out the best in Juggler, and he absolutely could not _stand_ that. The light had let him down, when it had looked past him and given the power of Orb to Gai. Why shouldn’t he embrace the darkness? Gai was a dalliance, nothing more; it was so easy to mess with him, and it was _fun_. And if sex was involved, well, all the better. At least Gai was familiar, and much less effort than trying to pick someone up at a club when the need struck.

Juggler told himself the same thing so often, every time Gai appeared before him, every time he felt an emotion other than betrayal or hate, every time he foolishly sought comfort in Gai’s arms, even if for a moment.

The last time they’d come together had been different, though. Something in the air, or the planet they were on, or different physics in a dimension they weren’t originally from…Juggler never sorted out what it was. But it _had_ answered the question of why so many people on that planet had been cradling large eggs in their arms as they went about their daily business.

That was how they procreated. And Juggler was immensely grateful that the egg had somehow simply appeared one day, just laying in the middle of his bed as if that were perfectly normal, instead of trying to somehow make its way out of his body. The very thought made him shudder in revulsion. But he was not happy about it, at all. This meant that he was tied to Gai now, that they’d had a…well, an _egg_ , currently. He assumed it would eventually yield a normal-looking child. He’d seen infants and toddlers on the planet, so surely it would be of the same species.

But did he even want this responsibility? For his own sanity, and the safety of whatever was in the egg, he would probably be better off locating the nearest church, or orphanage, and leave it on their doorstep. Anyone traveling with him was sure to be in danger, not to mention endangering himself. No, the egg needed to go, and soon, so he could get off this planet and hopefully get as far away as humanly possible from wherever Kurenai Gai was.

It was a weak plan, but it hadn’t failed him yet. Except for when he _did_ wind up encountering Gai again, but that was besides the point.

So of course, that was when the egg cracked, splitting jaggedly down the middle. 

Juggler froze, scarcely daring to breathe, but then nothing further happened. Was it…a dud? Was that even possible? Or was something wrong with whatever was inside?

He tried to tell himself to not panic, to not fuss about it, when just minutes ago, he’d been planning to give it away, but he ignored that voice and went to the egg, hoping he was doing the right thing as he rapped the hilt of his sword against the shell to aid in cracking it.

That had been the proper route to take, he realized, as the shell finally gave, and Juggler quickly pulled the halves apart, revealing the form of a tiny newborn inside.

It took him a moment to realize that the baby wasn’t moving, and his eyes widened as he withdrew the baby from the gunk that still remained in the egg. He knew nothing about babies…what was he supposed to do? “Come on…” he murmured, patting a tiny cheek carefully, before holding the child up to his shoulder and patting its back.

That did it; the baby coughed, then Juggler felt something wet drip onto his shirt, then the baby began to wail, just inches from his ear.

And for some reason, tears were running down Juggler’s cheeks.

This…was going to complicate his life even further. He’d need food and clothing for the child, and he had no idea how to care for one. How in the world was he supposed to travel with an infant? What if he ran into an enemy? It was still tempting to leave the baby on the church steps, once he found one…

He held the baby up, looking at it curiously. Then the baby’s eyes met his, and the crying ceased for a moment as they simply stared at one another in wonder.

“Well,” Juggler finally said. “This isn’t how I saw my evening going. I hope I can find a nice lady to tell me how the hell to care for you.”

The baby just continued to stare at him silently, before it began crying again.

“Ok, ok, let’s head back into town,” Juggler murmured. He dug around in his pack, pulling out one of Gai’s T-shirts (he couldn’t remember where it came from, but he’d had it for a while, and didn’t mind sacrificing it), and after giving the baby a quick wipe-down with a wet towel, wrapped it up in the cloth.

“I guess it’s up to me to name you, hmm?” Juggler said with a sigh, picking the baby up carefully. Once again, the crying ceased, and they simply looked at one another.

“Haruki. I think that suits you.” 

The baby made a soft sound that somehow sounded like an affirmation to Juggler, and he found himself smiling.

*

For once, fortune seemed to be smiling upon Juggler. When he returned to town, feeling quite lost as he cradled a crying Haruki in his arms, an old woman shuffled over to him, cooing at Haruki until he quieted down.

“You look lost, sonny. First child?”

Juggler found himself nodding. “Unexpected, too.”

The woman chuckled, patting his shoulder. “Not from around here, are you, sonny? One of these days, maybe the council will think to inform travelers of this little peculiarity, but I’ve been thinking that for decades. But you don’t care about that, do you. No, I think you’ll be needing to get some things for your little one, isn’t that right?” When Juggler nodded again, she smiled up at him. “You’re lucky then. I had six children back in my day, so I can surely help you gather what you need, if you don’t mind putting up with a slow old woman for a little while.”

“I…would appreciate the help,” Juggler finally said. Saying such kind words felt odd, somehow. It wasn’t something he did very often, if he could help it, but if it would help him with this new life that he held in his arms, well…he would deal with it.

He hadn’t realized how much _stuff_ a baby required, and he felt as though his head was spinning by the time he parted ways with the woman and headed back to his room. He’d always traveled light, with next to nothing on him, swift and silent like a snake in the grass, but he sensed that those days had come to an end. Now, he would need to have formula for Haruki. Spare diapers. Haruki would cry and be fussy, so Juggler wouldn’t be able to move without being seen.

_It’s still not too late to leave him behind_ , a cruel voice in his head purred.

But no, Juggler thought, It _was_ too late. Since the first moment they’d looked at one another, he’d become lost. Perhaps that’s how it was for a new parent, when they were first handed their new child. Juggler had no idea.

It had been a long, tiring day, and by the time Haruki had been changed, fed, and put down to sleep, Juggler was ready to fall asleep on his feet. 

Even so, he found himself laying on the bed beside the infant, watching him sleep for some time, before his eyes finally drifted closed, and he slept.

*

It was a ruckus outside that woke Juggler, and he cursed under his breath. It had hardly been two hours since he’d gone to sleep, and it hadn’t been nearly enough rest. Plus, all the noise was sure to wake Haruki. 

Juggler rose from the bed, careful to not disturb Haruki, who was sleeping through it all. He must have gotten that from Gai, Juggler thought wryly, crossing the room and opening the window to see what the hell was happening to cause such a noise.

He’d expected someone being drunk and disorderly. Perhaps a war breaking out.

He hadn’t expected to see a kaiju stomping toward the town.

And he sure as hell hadn’t expected to see an Ultra between the beast and the town.

And, unless his eyes were deceiving him, it was Orb.

“Well, shit,” Juggler hissed, closing the window and hurrying to shove his few possessions into his pack, shouldering it and the obnoxiously patterned diaper bag that he’d picked up for Haruki’s things, before gathering the baby in his arms.

If there was a kaiju coming their way, he certainly wasn’t staying. And if _Gai_ was out there, he sure as hell wasn’t staying. He could surely blend in with the other villagers, who would doubtlessly be evacuating. Once they were far enough away from the village…he’d have to choose where to go. Another solar system, perhaps. He wanted to get good and far away from Gai. He could surely shield himself and Haruki as well, as they headed through the cosmos toward their next destination. Earth was tempting, but he’d been there before, and…well, going back wasn’t really an option, was it? Maybe he could find a different Earth in a new dimension. 

As long as Kurenai Gai wasn’t there, then that was all he needed. For the moment, at least.

So he followed the crowds of fleeing villagers out of the town, managing to break away when they were quite far out and hidden by trees and the dark night sky, and with a muttered word, Juggler and Haruki were sheltered from view, and they flew up into the sky, out into the vastness of space, and Juggler simply chose a direction and followed it, skipping across several different solar systems before he stopped, taking a moment to hover and look around.

There…in the distance, he saw a planet that looked appealing. The bright blue reminded him a bit of Earth, but…no, it definitely wasn’t, he thought, taking a good long moment to make sure of that fact. It was as good a place as any to stop for the time being, and it was quite a distance from where they’d been. So hopefully there would be no Gai for quite some time. Perhaps even forever. Imagine if this planet had never seen an Ultra! It would be paradise, indeed.

They descended on the planet, Juggler’s arms wrapped tightly around Haruki, holding him close. It felt almost as if the planet were fighting their arrival for a moment, he thought, feeling harsh winds buffeting them across the sky. A solar storm? He glanced around—the planet still looked peaceful and welcoming, it didn’t make sense…

Something massive barreled past them, and Juggler noticed two things. The first, was that it had been a kaiju that had knocked them aside like gnats.

And the second, was that he’d lost his grip on Haruki, and he swore his heart stopped beating as he watched the tiny figure tumble away, in the beast’s wake.

Juggler poured on the speed, trying desperately to catch up. He could handle a rough impact, but Haruki was just a baby. And god forbid if the kaiju noticed him. Damn it, why couldn’t he catch up to them?!

As if his thoughts had alerted the kaiju to their presence, it turned slightly, and Juggler saw its eyes lock onto Haruki. “No you don’t,” he growled, summoning his sword. The creature turned its attention on him, and spat out a fiery beam, but Juggler managed to avoid it, his blade meeting its haunch, and a thunderous bellow nearly deafened him.

But that barely mattered, since Haruki was within arm’s reach, and Juggler reached out to pluck him from the empty air, wrapping his entire body around his tiny form, because the ground was coming up awfully quickly.

It wasn’t the worst landing he’d ever made, but it still hurt like hell. He’d only made a small crater in the ground, though; he would be fine.

Haruki..!

Juggler uncurled his body from around his son, and several things happened in rapid succession.

Haruki was…growing. He was the size of a toddler now, and seemed to be continuing to age.

The sun, which had been shining so brightly a moment before, was suddenly blotted out by something massive that shook the ground.

And then something heavy landed on him, and that was the last thing Juggler knew.


	2. Chapter 2

He was definitely mashed quite firmly into the ground. That was the first thing Juggler realized, upon regaining consciousness. He was amazed that he’d regained consciousness at all, since he was all but buried in the dirt. 

“Hey, what’s that? Is that…oh shit, is that a _body_? SIR! Somebody, come quick!”

The dirt didn’t quite muffle the words of whoever had spoken, and Juggler cursed silently. So much for dragging himself out and hightailing it before he was spotted. If there were multiple people, he doubted he’d be able to kill them all without raising a commotion. And besides, murder wasn’t something that he wanted to expose Haruki to.

Wait.

_Haruki._

Juggler’s thoughts abruptly went back to how Haruki had suddenly begun growing, before…well, whatever had happened that had smooshed him into the ground, like someone pressing flowers into clay. But right now…where _was_ Haruki? Juggler couldn’t even allow his thoughts to drift to the possibility that Haruki’s tiny body was crushed beneath his.

The thought of his son gave Juggler the energy he needed to start pushing himself upward, and it was a struggle to actually _free_ his body from the dirt, he’d been pressed in so deeply and firmly. A pain shot through his arm, but Juggler ignored it. He couldn’t be hurt that badly; he’d heal. 

Finally, he pushed himself up, clumps of dirt falling off his body as he raised himself up onto hands and knees, spitting grit out of his mouth and trying to wipe his face clean—or as clean as was possible, since he was covered in dirt. He just needed to be able to see, to find Haruki, and then they could find somewhere to go.

Juggler wasn’t even aware of the small group of people in gray jumpsuits that were watching him, matching looks of shock on their faces. He cast his gaze around him, in the huge indentation he was in the middle of, then looked into the portion where he’d been half buried. 

Haruki…where was he? He couldn’t have run off, not while he’d been abruptly aging, and he definitely couldn’t have gotten away before whatever it was had mashed Juggler into the earth.

He began digging into the dirt with his hands, trying to say Haruki’s name, but he couldn’t quite find his voice.

He couldn’t be gone. If he was beneath the dirt, then he…

Juggler found himself tilting forward, barely able to catch himself before he wound up facefirst in the dirt again, and he found himself checking out of consciousness.

*

When Juggler began to slowly swim up into consciousness again, he noticed how quiet it was. He was in bed. Ah…perhaps everything had been a dream. For all he knew, he was still in bed with Gai, after their last little romp. His face scrunched up as he considered the thought, somehow reluctant to open his eyes. He hadn’t heard Gai’s usual obnoxious snoring, though, so he probably wasn’t there.

Juggler shifted slightly, groaning at the pain in…well, just about every part of his body.

So much for hoping that he’d just been having a long, bizarre dream, he thought to himself, finally summoning up the courage to open his eyes.

He was…where was he? He turned his head slightly—even _that_ hurt—and saw another bed across the room from him, and there was a curtain up to his left. To the right were various cabinets, a table, and a rolling chair, and beyond that, a door.

There was also a man sitting in the rolling chair, who sat up a bit straighter when he noticed Juggler’s movements.

“I wasn’t sure if you would be waking up again,” the man said, running a hand over the scruff on his chin. “You sure gave everyone a scare back there.”

It took a moment, but Juggler finally managed to drag himself up into a sitting position. His arm was bandaged and in a sling, and more bandages were wrapped around his chest. He absently wondered if there had been x-rays taken by whoever these people were, or if they’d simply done that as a precaution, in case he had broken ribs. The thought was so absurd, that Juggler couldn’t help but laugh, cutting off quickly with another wince.

Maybe he _did_ have a broken rib or two. 

“I guess…I was fortunate, after being crushed under 38,000 tons,” he finally managed.

The man sitting across from him frowned, leaning forward a bit in his seat. “What made you say that particular number?”

Juggler reached up to touch his head, frowning as he knocked more dirt loose from his hair. “Given how far I was pressed into the dirt. And…have you ever _had_ something 38,000 tons standing on you before? You can definitely feel all of it, even if you're not awake for it.” Another movement brought forth a loud popping from his back, and he grunted. “Lucky it didn’t break my back. Or my neck. Thing must’ve been about the same size as that kaiju.”

The frown deepened on the man’s face. “Who exactly are..?”

Juggler’s eyes widened. “Was there anyone else there?”

“Huh?”

“When I was recovered…was…anyone else there with me?” Juggler asked, almost dreading what the answer would be.

The man shook his head. “No. Just you.”

Juggler didn’t know whether to cry (no, of course he wouldn’t do that, it would be incredibly out of character for him) or to drag himself out of the bed and go back outside and go over every inch of ground where he’d been, until he found some sort of clue as to where Haruki had gone. He couldn’t have just vanished! He was a baby! Unless…had these people taken him? God help them if they had…

“I wanted to extend our apologies for your…accident,” the man finally said. “Shouldn’t have happened, of course, but the pilot was busy with that creature. He’ll be along shortly to apologize as well.”

Apologies meant nothing to Juggler, not when his son had vanished into thin air as if he had been nothing more than a ghost, and he’d opened his mouth to say just that, when the door opened and a young man in a gray jumpsuit entered the room.

And suddenly, it felt as though all of the air had been sucked out of the room.

Something in his face made him look remarkably like Gai.

And the patch on his jumpsuit read “Haruki.”

Impossible…it couldn’t be. It _couldn’t_ be Haruki. How much time had passed? An hour? Two? Perhaps a day at most? 

The room suddenly seemed to be going dark. They should have someone look at that. “Haru…ki?”

The young man looked a bit confused—oh god, he looked so much like Gai, it was disgusting—but he nodded. “Yes, I’m Haruki. Natsukawa Haruki. It was my fault, what happened, I was piloting, and…”

“You’re not him,” Juggler finally managed, then all of the lights in the room went out.

He certainly hadn’t fainted. 

Absolutely not.


	3. Chapter 3

“I don’t think smelling salts are going to do anything, Yuka-san. I mean…is this guy even human?”

“Hmm…well, we won’t know unless he wakes up and we can actually talk to him. I tried giving him a scan when he came back, and he shorted out the whole darn machine! I’m intrigued…if he doesn’t wake up, can I dissect him?”

“Now, Yuka…”

Juggler barely paid attention to the humans and their conversation, but suddenly there was something that had him sitting up straight, several surprised shrieks echoing in his ears. He glanced around at each of them… _there_. “You. Give that to me.”

It was the same man that had been sitting in the room when Juggler had first woken up, but he didn’t really care about that. What he cared about was the mug in his hand, and the intoxicating aroma wafting from it.

Coffee. And _good_ coffee, unless his nose had suddenly failed him.

When everyone continued to stare at him, he sighed, gesturing impatiently. “Give. Me. The. Coffee.”

That worked, at least; the man took a few steps closer to him, carefully holding the mug out to him, and Juggler all but snatched it from him, bringing it up to his nose and inhaling deeply. Oh yeah…it definitely smelled fantastic. But did it taste as good as it smelled?

He took a sip, and couldn’t help but groan in appreciation. Somehow, it tasted even _better_ than it smelled. He didn’t think he’d ever had a cup of coffee this good, and he’d been to multiple planets that prided themselves on having the best brew in the universe. 

Finally, this planet had one redeeming quality, he thought, taking another drink.

“What’s your name?”

Juggler was so caught up in the coffee euphoria, that he didn’t even think before saying, “Juggler.” He took another sip, covering up his scowl at having been tricked so easily. Stupid crafty humans…they were the same, no matter what planet it was.

“Juggler?” The young woman frowned, tilting her head. “Is that your name or occupation?”

“Maybe he’s from the circus,” a young man offered. “Maybe he’s like…a strongman? That could be how he survived getting stomped on!”

“Shush.”

Juggler lowered the mug, smiling. “Of course that’s not my name. What kind of name is Juggler? Ridiculous.” He took another sip—damn, the mug was nearly empty—and then noticed that they were watching him. Oh. They were actually waiting for him to give a name, weren’t they. At least they hadn’t believed his _real_ one, but now the problem was providing them with a false one off the top of his head.

He didn’t have time for this. He needed to find Haruki, dammit! He had to have dreamed that nonsense earlier, with the young man named Haruki that looked so much like Gai. He had to get out of here and go back to where they’d landed and look for some sort of clue.

The urge to kill these damn humans was rising, especially since they were all staring at him so intently, waiting for him to give his name. He looked at each of them, taking note of the informative patches all over their jumpsuits, and an idea started to form in his head.

“Hebi…kura,” Juggler finally said. Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Shota.”

“Hey, that’s my name, too!” the young man said, pointing at the patch that bore his name. “Wow…what a coincidence, huh?”

Of course it was a coincidence, Juggler thought to himself. He’d just used the name because he’d seen it on that fool’s jumpsuit. Maybe this group of humans wasn’t as clever as he’d thought.

The young woman scribbled something down on the clipboard she was holding. “Where do you come from, Hebikura-san?”

“Now, now, don’t ask him twenty questions all at once,” the other man—the one who had given him the coffee; he could live, Juggler thought—finally said, waving an arm. “Remember, he _did_ just get stomped on by Sevenger a few days ago, and he’s already passed out once. Being too overbearing will just make it take him longer to get back on his feet.”

The young woman frowned. “I know, but…he got stomped on and he’s _alive_! Surely you think that’s fascinating too, Bako-san!”

“Maybe, but we should still let him recover first. He might be more willing to talk to us when he’s feeling better.” 

The man glanced at Juggler, as if waiting for him to agree, and he finally, reluctantly, dipped his head. He didn’t actually _have_ to stick around and tell them anything, he thought. Let them try to stop him. It would be the last thing they’d ever do.

But at least it convinced the young woman and the young man to finally leave the room, and Juggler was left alone with the older man…Bako-san, he’d been called. He plucked the empty mug from Juggler’s hands, and like magic, a fresh mug appeared, filled with more of that wonderful coffee. This one somehow smelled even better than the last one, and the taste nearly had him swooning. He did, however, wind up moaning, and he was just too euphoric to mind.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done something to make a young man moan like that,” Bako said, a small smile on his lips as he set the empty mug aside.

“If you keep bringing me coffee like this, I’ll moan for you as much as you’d like, Bako-san~” Juggler replied, his voice light and teasing. He thought he saw Bako’s cheeks redden slightly, and he couldn’t stop the smile that played at his lips. 

But as quickly as the smile had come, it vanished once again. Why was he sitting here, drinking coffee, _flirting_ , when his son was still missing?

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to talk if it’s just to one person, would you?” Bako continued, taking a seat. “Not even about who you are, or where you came from. Even though you survived, being crushed into the ground couldn’t have been pleasant.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Juggler murmured, and as loathe as he was to waste such good coffee, he set the mug aside. “I would actually like to rest, if you don’t mind.”

Bako nodded, getting to his feet, and collected the mugs. “If you should need anything, there’s always plenty of staff around out in the hangar. Just ask for me, ok, Hebi-chan?”

_Hebi-chan._ It felt demeaning; how dare this human speak so familiarly to him, Juggler thought, as he laid back on the bed. But at the same time, it was…nice. He didn’t sense any malice from the words, and didn’t feel as though he were being spoken down to. There was something rather calming about this human, and it was mildly infuriating, for some reason.

He closed his eyes, and began to plan how to escape. ‘Always plenty of staff out in the hangar’…had that been a threat? Not that it mattered…if Juggler didn’t want to be seen, then he wouldn’t be. These humans couldn’t keep him here if he was determined to leave, and he definitely was.

Haruki…

He waited for some time, wanting to be certain that no one would come nosing around to check on him, before he opened his eyes again.

It felt like a good time to go searching for the fastest way out of this place.

He sat up, pleased that he didn’t ache as badly as he had the first time he’d woken up. He slipped his arm out of the sling, stretching it out carefully, then flexed his hand. A bit stiff, but that was probably because it had been immobile. He’d manage.

He slid from the bed to his feet, making no sound, and quickly crossed to the door leading out of the room. He turned the knob, pushing the door open slowly, keeping his eyes open and ears alert. He could hear noise in the distance, but no one seemed to be close by, he realized, quickly slipping from the room and making certain to close the door quietly, before he vanished into the shadows.

Now…he just needed the exit.

The further he moved from what had clearly been their medical office, the louder it got, and the more people there were. They wouldn’t see him, not unless he wanted them to, Jug thought. He had to move slower, since there were fewer shadows as he neared the hangar, but that was undoubtedly where an exit would be.

He heard an alarmed shout, and for a moment, Juggler thought he’d been spotted. He had been on the verge of summoning his sword, when he realized that someone had simply tripped and fallen to the floor.

“Geez, Haruki…you ok?” 

Another anonymous person, this one in a white jumpsuit, helped Haruki to his feet, and Juggler stayed still in the shadows, waiting for them to move on.

“Ah…it’s gone!” Haruki exclaimed, turning in a circle, his gaze on the floor.

“Huh?”

Haruki had gotten down on his hands and knees, his gaze sweeping across the floor, and he was getting dangerously close to where Juggler was hiding, before he sighed in relief and picked something up from the floor. “Thank goodness…” he sighed.

Juggler’s eyes were locked on the item Haruki held, and he didn’t breathe for a moment. His hand moved up to his ear, where his ear cuff had been attached for…he couldn’t even remember how long. Quite some time. But no, now there was nothing there.

Because it was in Haruki’s hand. And it seemed to have been turned into some sort of decoration, thin red cord looped and braided around the cuff, with beads dangling from the ends.

“What is that?” the other young man asked. “Some kinda charm?”

“It was the only thing I had, when I was found,” Haruki murmured.

“Found?”

Haruki nodded. “I was found on the steps of a church when I was a baby, just wrapped in an old T-shirt with my name written on it. And I was holding onto this. Wouldn’t let go of it for anything, apparently. My parents…adopted parents…told me all this when I turned 16. I never could find out who my birth parents were. Nobody has any idea. But this is like my good luck charm. It’s all I’ve got of them. I don't know why they gave me up, when they'd already named me...”

Juggler sat down heavily on the floor, not noticing when Haruki and the other young man glanced up, wondering what the sudden noise had been, before Haruki tucked the charm carefully into his jumpsuit pocket, and they were on their way.

Juggler pressed his hand against his mouth, feeling tears welling in his eyes.

There was absolutely no doubt in his mind…somehow, this Haruki and _his_ Haruki were the same. His baby…his son had somehow wound up alone, abandoned on the steps of a church, just like what Juggler had originally intended to do, before he’d taken that first good look at his son and banished the notion.

How…how could this have possibly happened? He whimpered into his hand, unable to stop the flow of tears, and curled into a ball.

They should never have come to this planet. He should have kept looking, found somewhere else. It seemed as though everything had gone downhill once they’d entered the planet’s atmosphere, and that damn kaiju had come.

He couldn’t stop sobbing, and he knew someone would hear him and find him hiding eventually. He sank his teeth into his palm, hoping to shock himself into some semblance of calm, but it only seemed to make things worse. He curled in on himself even further, wishing he could curl up so tightly that he’d disappear.

Haruki…god, he’d failed his son so spectacularly! Leaving him alone, with no clue as to who his parents were. How had he made it this far, without someone realizing that he wasn’t human? But if this planet had made him age, perhaps it had changed his physiology as well. Made his baby into someone completely different. 

He could taste blood trickling into his mouth, and he bit down harder. He deserved this pain, he’d fucked everything up, he should just give up…

“Hebi-chan?”

Juggler’s gaze shot upward, knowing that it would be that man, Bako, but he hadn’t been prepared to see the surprise on his face. He looked…worried? Ridiculous, Juggler thought to himself, letting his hand drop from his mouth, knowing he must be a sight. 

His gaze lowered to the ground. It didn’t matter what happened to him, did it? Haruki seemed fine, with a respectable job, friends...a family that didn't include Juggler. He’d come this far without knowing his birth parents. It wouldn’t matter if Juggler suddenly disappeared, would it?

A hand appeared in his line of vision, and Juggler slowly looked up, seeing Bako looking at him with that look on his face again. He didn’t need pity, not from anyone, especially not from a human!

“Why don’t we go back?” he said, his voice soft. “I’m sure I can get your hand bandaged up for you. I know you enjoyed the coffee earlier, but maybe some tea would be better for you right now. You’re shaking like a leaf.”

Juggler hadn’t even noticed, but he _was_. He was probably in danger of going into shock, with all of the stress and trauma he was experiencing. He wanted to bat Bako’s hand away, wanted to leave this place as he’d planned, go back to…

Go back _where_? There was no point anymore, was there? He wouldn’t find Haruki there. Haruki was already _here_. His Haruki didn’t exist anymore. 

Once again, he was alone.

He felt as though his entire world were crumbling around him.

Juggler didn’t know if it was a good idea, or if he were about to make a terrible mistake, but he finally lifted his arm and grasped Bako’s hand.

Perhaps a little help was necessary right now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some slight vague mentions of self-harming in this chapter (nothing graphic, just more like a mention of it being a thing), so heads up for that!

Juggler barely remembered the walk back. His thoughts were still trapped on how sad Haruki had looked as he’d spoken about the mysterious birth parents who had given him up, how relieved he’d looked when he’d found his charm. Nothing made sense anymore, absolutely nothing. It all reeked of some kind of time distortion, although Juggler had no idea how that would have come to pass.

He found that he didn’t care about how it had happened. What mattered was that it _had_ , and now he was alone, something he’d always craved, but now it felt oppressive, like something heavy was crushing the air out of his body.

Bako guided Juggler back to the bed that he’d vacated earlier, then turned to rummage through the cabinets for a roll of bandages. He carefully cleaned the wound on Juggler’s hand, smearing some sort of antibiotic ointment over it (that would probably have no effect on the wound, since it would have been made for human use, and Juggler definitely was not that), before beginning to bandage the wound.

Halfway through the process, Juggler slouched forward, his forehead coming to rest on Bako’s shoulder. He felt as though he simply did not have the strength to remain upright any longer. He truthfully wished that the wound had been left alone; he wanted to rip into his flesh with his teeth, make himself bleed _more_. What was another scar or two? Maybe it would shock him out of acting like this. This wasn’t him. It was pathetic. 

He leaned more heavily against the other man’s body, pressing his face closer to Bako’s neck, feeling stubble prickling against his skin. The human felt…pleasant, somehow. Maybe because it wasn’t Gai. Bako had shown him more kindness and understanding in the short amount of time they’d been acquainted, than Gai had ever shown him in all of the years they’d been together. Perhaps it was the way they had always clashed that made it so exciting, adrenaline pumping through their bodies as they fought, and then inevitably fucked, because they simply could not push one another away.

Juggler could feel Bako’s pulse dancing against his lips, and he wanted so badly to bite down on it, but that was something he generally saved for Gai. He prided himself on covering Gai in marks, listening to his breath catch, those needy little whimpers he was famous for.

God, why was he thinking about Gai _now_? Because of Haruki?

He pressed his face further into Bako’s neck, but not before a choked sob escaped his lips. And then, unexpectedly, he felt Bako’s arm go around him, his hand rubbing soothingly along his back, and he simply could not hold himself together any longer.

Juggler couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried like he did. Perhaps he never had. Once the tears started, it felt as though they would never stop, as his mind seemed to play an entire montage of his failures, from being rejected by the Light, to losing his son forever. 

But here he was, alive and being treated tenderly by a human who had no idea who he really was, of all the terrible things he’d done, and he wished he could feel worthy of such treatment. 

He had no idea how much time had passed before his tears finally dried up, but he felt reluctant to move away from Bako. Surely the human had things to do, but here he was, patiently staying with Juggler, not asking him stupid questions like “are you all right?” (as Gai had done multiple times in the past, when Juggler had been distressed).

“Hey, Bako-san…” When he heard a soft sound of inquiry, Juggler lifted his head slightly, not meeting the other man’s eyes. “Remember when you said how it’d been a long time since you’d made another man moan?”

A small smile crossed Bako’s lips, and he gently grasped Juggler’s shoulders, drawing him back so they could regard one another. “I don’t think that would be a good idea right now. You’re distressed…probably what’s best for you is a sedative and some rest.”

“Sedatives won’t work on me,” Juggler mumbled. “If you knew about me…”

“You could always tell me,” Bako offered. “I _am_ capable of keeping secrets, if it’s not something you want to share beyond this room. I'm no therapist, but I can listen.”

The corner of Juggler’s mouth twitched up into a smile for a moment. “You’d have me committed if I told you. Or handed over to that woman who wanted to dissect me.” He sagged in Bako’s grip. “Maybe that would be best.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Maybe I’m a terrible person who deserves everything bad that happens,” Juggler replied. “Maybe I’ve made so many awful choices over the years, that they’re all I know how to make anymore. And they aren’t just affecting _me _anymore.” He hesitated, then shook his head. “Maybe I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. You’re right…I should just rest for the time being.”__

__“I’ll leave you be if you want, but you’ll have to stay put this time. Otherwise, I’ll stay here and keep an eye on you.”_ _

__A weak chuckle left Juggler’s lips. “You’ll stay and watch me sleep, but you don’t want to do anything else with me?”_ _

__“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t very flattered right now,” Bako finally said. “You are intriguing, Hebi-chan. But I’m past that point in my life where I’d be looking for casual hookups. And, more importantly…I know what it looks like when someone has experienced trauma. And right now, it’s written all over your face. That would make it more like I were taking advantage of you.”_ _

__Juggler sighed. Well…at least he was honest._ _

__“What you need right now isn’t sex, no matter how much your brain or your body are telling you otherwise. You need to rest. You need time to process whatever happened to set you off like that, so something like _this_ …” Bako paused, holding up Juggler’s bandaged hand. “Doesn’t happen again.”_ _

__“You’ll stay, though?” Juggler finally asked, hating how needy he felt in that moment._ _

__“Unless you’d prefer to be alone. And honestly, if you did, I would stay anyway. You’ve got the look of someone who wants to self-harm, and there’s too much in here that you could use for that.”_ _

__Juggler averted his eyes, clenching his jaw. How did this human _know_? It was as though Juggler were completely transparent._ _

__Bako coaxed Juggler into laying back on the small bed, and he closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted, as the other man drew the covers up around him._ _

__He must have dozed, because the next thing he knew, he heard his name—not his real one, of course, but this new persona he’d created with little to no thought—and opened his eyes to see Bako holding a steaming mug and a small plastic bag._ _

__“I did promise you tea, didn’t I? If sedatives won’t work on you, then hopefully some chamomile will help you calm down a bit,” Bako said, waiting until Juggler had dragged himself into a sitting position before handing him the mug. “And food couldn’t hurt, either. All I’ve got right now is half an egg salad sandwich, and one of the puddings that Haruki always leaves in the fridge and forgets about.”_ _

__Juggler’s fingers tightened around the mug, fighting to control his expression so he wouldn’t give anything away. Bako had been present when Haruki had first shown up, when Juggler had passed out, but it seemed that no one had questioned that too intently. He didn’t need to give anyone reason to suspect anything. He didn’t want to have to explain something that he honestly _couldn’t_ explain._ _

__He ate the sandwich, and slowly ate spoonfuls of the pudding, absurdly feeling a connection to his son in that moment._ _

__He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a proper meal, in all truthfulness, but even that small amount of food had him feeling a bit steadier. The tea was warm and comforting, and Juggler had never been one to bother with herbal teas, but he _did_ feel a bit more calm now. And tired. He wondered for a moment if there had been some sort of drug in the tea, or the food, but…no. For some reason, he trusted Bako-san to not do something so underhanded. Most likely, it was all of the day’s events bearing down on him and draining him. It wasn’t every day that he had that much going on, in rapid succession._ _

__Once he was through, he handed the mug to Bako, and laid down once again, feeling the tendrils of sleep wrapping around him._ _

__“I’ll have fresh coffee for you in the morning, and some sort of breakfast. Just rest up for now, ok?”_ _

__Juggler felt a small smile cross his lips, wanting desperately to tease Bako about breakfast in bed when they hadn’t even slept together, just to see if he could make the other man flustered once again, but he was simply too tired, and sleep was very insistent._ _

__So he gave in, and drifted off into a dreamless, undisturbed slumber._ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief self-harm mentions again in this chapter.

Juggler was not one who usually slept straight through the night, which may have stemmed from his years of being not exactly on the side of the light. Keeping a step ahead of whatever idiot alien was tailing him (and there always was at least one, Juggler realized, and sometimes it was Gai) didn’t exactly lead to unbroken, restful sleep.

But being on this planet, tucked away in the quiet medical room in Storage, tired from so many emotions in such a short span of time, and perhaps helped by the tea Bako had given him the night before, had given Juggler a precious moment of security.

And so he had slept, deeply and undisturbed, for perhaps the first time since he was an infant, finally blinking bleary eyes open when he heard the door open. He dragged himself into consciousness, old habits taking over, wanting to appear awake and alert in case it was someone who meant him harm.

But it was only Bako, and Juggler couldn’t help but feel relieved. And then disappointed, because he didn’t see any mugs of coffee in the man’s hands.

“I seem to recall being promised coffee,” Juggler said, hiding an enormous yawn behind his hand.

A smile played on Bako’s lips. “It looks like you slept well…that’s a relief. Or you’re just very skilled at feigning sleep. And snoring.”

Juggler frowned, struggling to sit up. “I don’t snore,” he said, a touch of annoyance in his voice. He _definitely_ didn’t! Gai, on the other hand, snored loud enough to rattle windows sometimes, and Juggler had been tempted on multiple occasions to smother him with a pillow. He’d actually attempted it once, and the moment he’d moved the pillow away, Gai had made such a god awful noise before starting to snore again, that Juggler had simply gotten dressed and left the idiot behind.

Ah…that had been recently. The last time they were together, in fact. When Haruki had been conceived.

“…more like little breathy noises than snoring, really. It’s cute,” Bako was saying, then he trailed off, noticing the odd look on Juggler’s face. “Did I say something wrong?”

Juggler dragged himself kicking and screaming out of his thoughts, and shook his head. “No. No, not you. Just…when the mind wanders to unpleasant thoughts before you even have a chance to get out of bed and have breakfast.”

Bako nodded, making a sound of understanding. “Speaking of breakfast…how would you feel about going out?”

Juggler’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Am I even allowed to?”

“Of course,” Bako replied immediately. “You’re not a prisoner. You were brought here since…well, since it was because of Sevenger’s mishap that you were wounded. Maybe someone was afraid of a lawsuit. But you’re free to leave whenever you want to.”

Well. That had been unexpected. Juggler had figured he was being kept for some sort of nefarious purposes, especially after having heard the one woman’s desire to dissect him. And they had to have realized that he wasn’t human. He had no idea if this planet was aware of the existence of aliens, or what their stance was on it.

Did it even matter that he was free to leave? He had nowhere to go, even if he left this planet and went searching for another. And somehow, the thought of leaving…hurt. He would be leaving Haruki behind. Even if Haruki didn’t know him, didn’t remember him, at least Juggler was close to him, if he stayed. He would have been content to stay at Storage forever, if it meant he could be that much closer to his son. But that was unrealistic, wasn’t it? He couldn’t stay there; once he appeared to be healed, and promised to not sue them or some such nonsense, they would send him on his way. And his chances of seeing Haruki would drop drastically.

That thought made Juggler much sadder that he wanted to admit.

“We could go get something to eat, but then I need to get ready for work. I need to spend a bit of time with my son today,” Bako continued.

Juggler stared at him in surprise. “You have a son, too?” he blurted, then cursed himself silently.

Bako chuckled. “Yes. A very big, clumsy fellow who nearly crushed an unsuspecting man.”

It took Juggler several moments to make sense of that. “Are you…talking about that robot?”

Bako nodded. “Yeah. I worked on a lot of the original blueprints, and later the construction, for Sevenger. Everyone else always says he might as well be my son, and it’s kind of stuck.”

“Ah.” Juggler wasn’t sure what to say to that. 

“I assume _your_ son is less of the giant robot variety and more of the flesh and blood type, though,” Bako said with a smile. 

Juggler really didn’t want to get into _that_ particular can of worms, even though he was fairly certain that Bako wasn’t fishing for information, so he quickly changed the subject, pushing the covers back and grimacing when he took a look at himself. “I don’t think I’m really dressed to go anywhere,” he said, as if he’d only then realized that he was still wearing the same clothing he’d been wearing when they’d arrived on this planet. They didn’t look anywhere near as splendid now, since they were still quite caked with dirt (someone must have tried to brush some of it off, at least; Juggler remembered being quite covered in the stuff when he’d pried himself out of the earth) and torn in some places. Had his pack been retrieved from the site? He had a few changes of clothes in there…

A bundle of cloth was deposited on the bed beside him, and Juggler picked it up, finding that it was a Storage jumpsuit. It was plain, no patches giving a name or rank; must have been a spare for newbies, he thought absently.

“You’re free to borrow that, if you like. I need to swing by my apartment after breakfast to shower and get myself some fresh clothes before I start work for the day, and you’re welcome to partake in the shower as well.”

Juggler couldn’t help but smile at Bako’s (entirely innocent, he was certain) words. “Oh? By myself, or with you?” He took great pleasure in watching Bako’s face flush; it was far too much fun to tease him. He decided to give the other man a break, and set to peeling off his ruined clothing and slipping into the jumpsuit. It was a bit baggy, but at least it was clean.

There was a comb on the table next to the bed, and he took several painful minutes working the snarls out of his hair, before pulling some of it back into a small ponytail, to keep it out of his face. He should just go ahead and cut it. New planet, new life, new haircut? That would be something to ponder later, however.

He knew he didn’t look anywhere near as polished as he usually did, and it was a bit embarrassing for Bako-san to see him in such a state, even if they were little more than strangers. He needed to find a way to find out if there was any sort of alien embassy on this planet; if there was, he had a credit card. He could take some money and get himself some clothing and a haircut and maybe make himself look…not so much like himself anymore. But then again, using the card would leave a trail, and then some idiot would inevitably come after him.

And that idiot could always wind up being Gai.

Later, he thought sternly to himself. It was too early for such heavy thoughts.

He followed Bako out of the building (storing _that_ particular bit of information away for a later time), and it was only a short walk to the city proper. It was a nice enough morning for it, too, Juggler thought, taking a deep breath. It would probably be oppressively hot in a few hours, but for the moment, it was pleasant.

They entered a small eatery, and Juggler was surprised at the amount of people in there at that time of day. They were greeted warmly and shown to a booth near the windows, and Bako directed a wave at a man in the kitchen, who was barely visible through a hatch that opened on the kitchen. They’d barely opened their menus before the man was beside their table, and Bako was rising to shake his hand. They exchanged pleasantries while Juggler scanned the menu, delighted to see that their coffee selection was more than simply the word “coffee” followed by a price. No, there were several choices, and some of them were entirely unfamiliar to Juggler. 

“Ah, they got you training folks again, Bako-san?” 

Juggler glanced up, sensing that the conversation had landed on him. 

“This is Hebikura Shota, one of the new guys under me. I figured I’d treat him to breakfast before his first day,” Bako explained. 

Juggler smiled politely, and after a few more words, the man went back into the kitchen, and Bako took his seat once again. 

“’Under me’? Why Bako-san…” Juggler said with a grin. “I love a direct man.” 

To his surprise, Bako didn’t look away, didn’t flush, but instead met Juggler’s gaze straight on. 

And suddenly, Juggler felt like blushing under the scrutiny, and he hurriedly dropped his gaze to the menu once again. 

Well. That was rare. 

“So…” he finally said, annoyed at how uneven his voice sounded, and he quickly cleared his throat. “What coffee do you recommend? I don’t recognize some of these.” 

That brought things back on track, and Juggler wished he had more time (and his own funds) so he could sample each type of coffee on the menu. That would probably prove to be an all-day endeavor, he realized, and it was difficult making a decision. Finally, he huffed, leaning back in his seat. “I don’t know…surprise me.” 

Bako wound up ordering for them both, and Juggler wasn’t disappointed in his choices. The coffee was smooth and rich, not a hint of bitterness to be found, and the omelet that Bako had ordered for him was perfectly cooked, incredibly fluffy, and jam packed with cheese, meat, and vegetables. 

It was such simple fare, but it was somehow more delicious than some of the food Juggler had sampled at more lavish restaurants on several different planets. He hoped he hadn’t been shoveling food into his mouth like some classless heathen (Gai), but it had been days by now since his last proper meal, and when he added his wounds and trauma on top of everything else…well, maybe he could let his manners slide just this once. Bako didn’t seem to mind, and judging by the smile on the cook’s face as he peered out at them, he certainly had to have been pleased at the response to his cooking. 

From the restaurant, it was another short walk to Bako’s apartment building, and Juggler was thankful for the chance to stretch his legs and walk off the meal, not to mention get a bit more of a look at this planet. It truly did remind him of Earth—or, at least, the Earth he’d been to recently, where Gai had been hanging around with those annoying humans who had fancied themselves some kind of supernatural investigators or some such nonsense. It made sense that each solar system had a planet that remotely resembled Earth, he supposed. There was always that one planet that seemed to keep cropping up, no matter where you went, and Earth seemed to be it. 

This one wasn’t terrible thus far. The coffee was excellent, and even though there were clearly the occasional kaiju, there had been so signs of any Ultras, at least as far as Juggler knew. But then again, even if he were inside, he was certain he would have sensed it if one had appeared, or he would have at least felt the enormous footfalls. 

The apartment building was nondescript, clean, and quiet, and Bako unlocked his door and ushered Juggler into an apartment that fit the same description. It wasn’t dull or barely furnished; clearly the man had lived there for some time, Juggler thought. The furniture wasn’t cheap garbage, but it didn’t appear to have cost a king’s ransom, either. It looked well-made, comfortable, and showed some signs of wear. The kitchen sported a coffeemaker and a French press on the counter, along with a butcher’s block of knives, but little else. 

For a moment, Juggler felt a small pang of longing. He’d never truly stayed anywhere long enough to have something like this, instead hopping planets and dimensions at a whim, trying to keep potential bounty hunters and troublemakers at bay. 

Had things been different…would he have wound up with something like this? A small, quiet, tidy space of his own, that he came home to every night after working the day away? 

It sounded dreadfully boring, yet a part of him seemed to enjoy the thought. 

“Make yourself at home, I won’t be five minutes,” Bako called as he headed down the short hallway to another room…the bedroom or bathroom, Juggler assumed. For a moment, he considered teasing once again about them showering together, but…no. Suddenly it didn’t feel right. 

Ah…so much for this little outing lifting his spirits, he thought to himself. Now he simply felt pathetic. He had nowhere, no _one_ , to return to. He was suddenly thankful that he was alone in the room, and he swiped angrily at his eyes as his vision began to blur from unshed tears. He clenched his fist, fingernails digging into the bandage wrapped around his hand, feeling some small sense of satisfaction as he saw small dots of red begin to stain the white cloth. 

If nothing else, the discomfort seemed to ground him, and by the time Bako returned, Juggler had pulled himself together, leaning against the kitchen counter with an air of calmness that he didn’t truly feel. 

“I put out a towel and washcloth for you. I don’t know if you’d want to put the jumpsuit back on after you shower, but if not, there’s a T-shirt and sweats in there. You can pick whichever you’d feel comfortable with. There’s a shaving bag beneath the sink with extra toiletries and spare toothbrushes too, so help yourself to whatever you need. I’ll be out here if you need anything…I should probably pay my bills while I’ve got a spare minute.” 

Juggler nodded absently, barely processing the words as he pushed off the counter and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and sighing softly. He stripped out of the jumpsuit, then turned the water on as hot as he could stand, wincing as he stepped under the spray. He was a mess; he watched the water run, discolored with dirt—and possibly blood, he _had_ to have sustained injuries when he’d been stepped on—for several minutes, before it was clear again. He washed his hair twice, seeing more dirt coloring the water, before moving on to lather his body and rinse off thoroughly. He’d pulled off the bandages on his hand, and the wound had opened a bit, sending wispy tendrils of red down the drain. Whatever. It had mostly healed overnight, so a few little drops of blood wouldn’t hurt anyone. He squeezed his fist tight, drawing more blood to the surface, as if backing up his words. 

When the water started to run cold, he switched it off, stepping out of the shower and absently dried off. At least the towel was a deep blue, so if his hand bled on it, it wouldn’t be noticeable. He should probably bandage it again, lest Bako notice that it was bleeding again and ask questions. Did he even have any bandages? 

He recalled something about extra toiletries beneath the sink, and he swung open the door, peering into the dark until his gaze settled on a first-aid kit. Good, he thought, taking that out and setting it on top of the clothes that were folded and placed on top of the closed hamper. 

God…what next? It was so hard for him to concentrate suddenly, as his gaze lowered to the blood that colored his palm. 

And then, unexpectedly, Bako opened the bathroom door, and his gaze settled on the blood. 

Juggler wanted to shout, wanted to say something snarky or hurtful—how dare he just barge in on him like that?—but he simply could not bring himself to do so. Not when he saw the look on Bako’s face. 

Then Bako was scooping up the first aid kit and steering Juggler out of the bathroom, back out into the living room, not seeming to care that he wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, and had him take a seat at the dining room table before opening the kit and focusing his attention on Juggler’s wound. 

Why..? 

Once the wound had been cleaned and bound once again, Bako placed everything back into the kit, closing it and setting it aside, before taking Juggler’s hand and lifting it up to press his lips to the bandages covering his palm. “Even if things feel hopeless, don’t go giving up so quickly. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would be worried, if something happened to you.” 

A wry chuckle left Juggler’s lips. Sure, Gai might be worried, but he’d get over it. Juggler wasn’t all _that_ important to him in the long run. And Haruki…Haruki didn’t even remember him. Didn’t know him at all. “No,” he finally said, his voice barely audible. “No, I don’t think there’s anyone like that for me." 

“Are you sure about that?” 

Juggler stayed silent. There was truly no need to answer the question. He knew better than anyone how alone he was. 

He felt a light touch then, just at the edge of the ragged scar on his chest, and he sucked in a surprised breath, but made no move to stop Bako’s tentative exploration. That was a first; ordinarily, if anyone so much as looked at the scar, Juggler would already be planning how to break their hand, if they so much as looked like they were planning to touch it. It didn’t hurt, not anymore, but it was such an ugly reminder of his past that he had to see every day of his life. 

“What have you gone through to make you like this, Hebi-chan?” 

Bako’s inquiry was soft, and he’d probably been speaking more to himself than to Juggler, not expecting an answer. 

Finally, he laid a hand on Juggler’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go get dressed, and we’ll head back. If you feel up to it, maybe I can show you around a bit.” 

A small smile crossed Juggler’s lips. That seemed like a terrible idea…showing a complete stranger around the headquarters of an organization that had a giant robot and…what did they even _do_? Fight kaiju? But at the same time, he couldn’t help but be a bit curious as to what exactly Storage did. “Maybe you can introduce me to your son,” Juggler said, a hint of teasing in his voice. 

“Maybe someday, you can introduce me to yours.” 

Juggler was proud that he kept the smile on his face, when inside, he felt like crumbling, and he headed back to the bathroom. 

No, he thought, Bako-san surely knew his son much better than he did now. Perhaps more than he ever would. 


	6. Chapter 6

The walk back to Storage was quiet, as if Bako could sense that Juggler didn’t seem up for any small talk, and for that, Juggler was thankful. It seemed that being left alone with his thoughts wasn’t the best of ideas lately, but with someone else around, it didn’t seem quite as awful.

He still had no idea what to do. He knew that his days of staying at Storage were nearing an end, especially if whoever was in charge found out that Juggler had gone out with Bako that morning. If he was well enough to walk into town for breakfast, then they could safely discharge him and not feel badly about it. He had maybe another day, tops, and then he figured he’d need to figure some things out.

He could just do as he always did, and not worry about it until it happened. Live in the moment, worry about tomorrow later. That was how he’d been living for quite some time now, and…well…he was still alive, yes, but it wasn’t as though he had much to show for it.

When they arrived back at the facility, Bako turned to him. “It’s still a bit early…did you still want to see Sevenger, or do you want to head back and rest? That _was_ quite a bit of walking for someone who’s been bedridden for several days.”

Resting sounded somewhat appealing, but at the same time, Juggler was loathe to part ways with Bako. He’d had a pleasant time with the human, and as ridiculous as it sounded, he swore he could still feel the way Bako’s lips had pressed against his palm, even though there had been several layers of bandages in the way. 

Finally, he replied, “I suppose it would be rude, if I ducked out on meeting your son after everything you did for me today. Besides, it would be nice to actually get a look at him.”

A pleased smile crossed Bako’s lips, and they headed into the hangar.

“You’re sure this won’t get you in any kind of trouble? I _am_ just a civilian, you know.”

Bako shook his head. “I’m not showing you any classified information, so it’ll be fine. I have to admit, though…I haven’t been able to forget how you knew Sevenger’s exact weight, after he stepped on you. You must have incredible luck—in guessing numbers, as well as surviving being stomped by 38,000 tons.”

Juggler shouldn’t have been surprised that Bako had remembered that little slip. But even if he hadn’t said anything, the mere fact that he’d been crushed into the ground by the robot, and then had gotten up and walked away (well, he’d gotten up, then gone right back down again, but he had _survived_ )…surely people had to be curious. Perhaps even downright suspicious. Again, Juggler wondered about this planet’s stance on aliens, or if they were unaware. The simple fact that kaiju were showing up should have alerted them to the fact that they were not alone in the universe, but…well, in his travels, Juggler had realized that some species were incredibly dense, or simply just full of themselves. 

He hoped that the planet his son was growing up on would be one of the smarter ones, and hopefully not one of the ones that had an organization like the AIB on Geed’s Earth. He could understand troublemakers being escorted off planet. But the aliens who wished to blend in and live peacefully deserved to be left alone.

He nearly laughed at his train of thought. He was getting soft lately. Since when had he started worrying about anyone but himself?

These thoughts all left his mind when he got his first proper glimpse of Sevenger, however.

The robot was…quaint. Cute, even. Apparently it was strong enough to keep the kaiju at bay, though, so he couldn’t say anything about its effectiveness.

Juggler didn’t miss the smile on Bako’s face as he launched into his introductions. “This is the Anti-Monster Special Airborne Armor-1, Sevenger. We’ve been hoping to get funding for a second unit, but…well, higher-ups are always stubborn about giving any more money than they absolutely have to, yet they’re quick to criticize when we can’t finish a kaiju off in the allotted time.”

“Of course,” Juggler murmured. People in charge were like that, no matter where you went. “Hmm…I was right, he’s around the size of the kaiju. About 55 meters or so, right?”

Bako’s eyebrows shot upward. “Another good guess?”

“I just know what to look for,” Juggler replied.

“Your guesses are absolutely spot-on. I’d love to pick your brain sometime,” Bako said, his gaze moving from Juggler to Sevenger. 

“Why Bako-san, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were asking me on a date,” Juggler replied, unable to help himself.

“Hmm…well, it could be. Or it could just be dinner and coffee at my place.”

Juggler’s jaw very nearly dropped, and it took everything he had to keep his face arranged in what he hoped was a casual expression. “Well…as long as it’s not formal. I don’t have anything else to change into.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Bako suddenly said. “The team that was processing the scene when you were found…after you were brought here, they found a couple of bags nearby. They’re a bit beat up and dirty, and I’m afraid that we had to go through them to see if you had any identification, but…well, you have some spare clothes in there.”

Juggler froze. Well…that was good. But he was also waiting for the inevitable questioning about the diaper bag. Surely that had been one of the bags found, since that and his pack had been all he’d brought along, along with Haruki. Had they seen the contents of the diaper bag and panicked? They’d had a full-grown man get up after being stomped on by a giant robot, but had they been afraid that they’d find a child there who had not fared as well, like Juggler had when he’d regained consciousness? Maybe they hadn't searched beyond the shiisa plush he'd stuffed on top of everything else in the bag, thinking that could be a nice toy for Haruki when he got a bit bigger. 

He was sure that Bako had either seen or heard about the diaper bag, and surely he’d remembered how Juggler had asked if anyone else had been found with him. Surely the man had questions. But, thankfully, he asked none.

“Anyway, think it over. I have a day off coming up, so you don’t need to give me an answer right now,” Bako stated.

 _He really **is** asking me on a date, isn’t he_, Juggler couldn’t help but think, but he managed to bob his head once in reply. Bako-san had been incredibly kind to him so far, and that was something Juggler wasn’t familiar with. Whenever it happened, he felt…odd, as if he were being mocked or patronized. 

Oddly enough, he didn’t sense any of that from Bako. It seemed like the man genuinely wanted to spend some more time with him. Maybe to simply pick his brain, as he’d said before.

“You know what? I think I’d actually like that,” Juggler finally said, directing a small smile at Bako. “And you know where to find me.”

The smile that Bako gave him in response sent a small flutter through Juggler’s stomach, but he tried not to dwell on that for very long.


	7. Chapter 7

It didn’t feel as though much time had passed before Juggler noticed more and more people in Storage jumpsuits coming in, and he figured that Bako’s workday was about to begin. It was too bad…he’d been enjoying the one-on-one time with the human. They hadn’t talked too terribly much, beyond Bako’s tentative offer of a date, and Juggler’s acceptance, but even that had been rather nice. Being able to stand in companionable silence with someone wasn't something Juggler was entirely used to. No matter where he went, there always seemed to be someone who took it upon themselves to start following him around, and there were always so many questions. Gai never seemed to believe in introspection, or simply being quiet for a moment so a person could perhaps function without a migraine.

Or maybe that was just Juggler. Maybe some people actually _enjoyed_ listening to Gai prattle on.

Bako seemed to take notice of the time, and he escorted Juggler back to the medical room. “Oh, that’s right…here are your things,” Bako added, going over to retrieve two dirt-covered bags from beside one of the other beds in the room, and placed them at the foot of the bed Juggler had been using. “I’ll look in on you when lunchtime comes around. I know I’ll be ready for more coffee by then, and I’m sure you will be, too. Just rest up till then.”

Juggler nodded, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, watching Bako head for the door, before calling out “Bako-san.” When the other man turned to him, Juggler couldn’t help but feel something resembling shyness. What was _that_ about? “Thank you…for everything today.”

“You’re very welcome. And thank _you_ for giving this old man a bit of company.”

Juggler couldn’t help but smile. Wouldn’t Bako be shocked to find out how old he truly was? His human form was of an attractive age, but how long had it been since he’d been born on O-50? He was willing to bet that it was far, far before Bako had been born on this Earth. “I bet you would never guess my age,” he teased.

“Hmm…I might have to take you up on that,” Bako said, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. “What do I get if I guess correctly?” 

He’d asked the question in such a teasing manner, and absurdly enough, Juggler felt his face heating up. Bako hadn’t even said anything that justified Juggler feeling flustered like this!

Bako clearly decided to have mercy on him, smiling and raising a hand in farewell before he left the room, no doubt heading back to the hangar to begin his day’s work.

Well. _That_ had been interesting, Juggler thought to himself. He highly doubted that Bako would ever guess his true age, but he was tempted to go with whatever his guess was, just to see what would happen next.

Juggler’s attention was then drawn to the bags on the floor, and he drew in a steadying breath. It was all right…he knew what was in them. But still, he couldn’t help but check. It wasn’t as though there was anything that could have been stolen, or anything that hinted at his identity. Surely the lack of identification had the humans curious, but it was entirely possible that they thought he was simply a traveler, drifting through their town, that had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Right. One who had survived being stepped on by a giant robot, and carried a diaper bag when he didn’t have a baby with him. 

He shook his head, unzipping his pack. Yes, it looked as though his extra clothes were still there, although they’d been disturbed by whoever had been searching through them. It was very impersonal; just several sets of the same outfit, simply because he liked how the suit looked on him. That alone must have hinted that he wasn’t just someone down on their luck, wandering around.

His gaze slid to the diaper bag, and he drew in a deep breath, before unzipping it. 

The shiisa plush still sat right on top of everything, looking up at him with that stupid grinning face.

Juggler exhaled shakily. He’d had the foolish thought of giving the plush to Haruki when he was a bit older, when he would perhaps welcome a stuffed animal to cuddle up to when he slept. 

Had Haruki had a stuffed animal while growing up here? Had his adopted parents made him happy? Had _he_ made his adopted parents happy? What had it been like for him, growing up on this planet? He’d been unaware of everything until he’d turned 16, Juggler remembered him saying. Surely he’d had a happy childhood with many friends, growing up warm and safe and eventually winding up piloting a giant robot. Somehow. The specifics still made no sense to Juggler, and trying to figure out how, exactly, everything had happened still made his head spin. 

He lifted the shiisa out of the bag, setting it on his lap and looking at its face. It had puzzled him, when Leito had presented the stuffed animal to him, after Juggler had been so invasive and incredibly _rude_ to him. He couldn’t help pushing boundaries with just about everyone he encountered, and Leito had been so kind, so earnest, that Juggler couldn’t help himself. Perhaps he’d been waiting to see what Leito’s breaking point was, when he would tell Juggler that he was being inappropriate. But neither moment had come, and he’d given Juggler a _gift_ , a souvenir of his time in Okinawa, Leito had said. There had been so many times when Juggler had been tempted to throw the plush out, or rip it into pieces, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do either, and he couldn’t understand _why_. 

And then, he’d wanted to pass it on to his son, as a little totem of protection, a soft companion that he could hug tight when he was feeling scared or alone.

Juggler found himself hugging the plush against his chest.

He’d never guess that _he_ would be the one feeling scared and alone, although he never would have admitted it to anyone. Any time in the past, he would have made a decision, even if it were spur of the moment, and he would have moved on to a different planet, would have done something besides sit around and feel sorry for himself.

He laid on the bed, the plush snug against his chest, and he made no move to stop the tears that had started to fall from his eyes. He simply lost himself in the emotion, making soft sounds as he cried, until his tears dried up and he fell into a restless slumber.


End file.
